Back in the days of cavemen — sorry, cave people — sorry, nomadic early humanoids — people would live anywhere they could find food. This is what led the morons to migrate north and south away from the warm lands of Africa. (Let’s face it, our ancestors weren’t too bright, they would’ve walked into a poisonous swamp if there was food down there).
But we know better now, don’t we? Nobody wants to live in the cold climates. We all want to live in the warm tropical countries, just like the lands we first evolved out of.
So, here’s the plan: All humans must live between the Tropic of Cancer and the Tropic of Capricorn. Nobody lives in the cold bits of the planet. Not even to make crop circles!
The obvious benefit of this is that humans would be a lot warmer. And a warm human is a happy human. Think of all the great wars in our history. All started by cold people.
Most importantly, this will solve global warming because with everyone living on the warm strip surrounding the equator, the top third and bottom third of the planet will be untouched by humans, and these lands and oceans will act as the equalizer for the planet’s biosphere. No matter how much we wreck our strip of warm land, the cold bits will remain untouched and equal out the climate.
Plus, it’s a known fact that people in warm climates don’t want to work as much (see: Jamaica, Greece, and anywhere where Cabana boys are unionised) and lazy humans have far less harmful effects on the environment. Case in point: Paris Hilton emits far less emissions when she is resting on a tropical beach.
We’ll take the Nobel prize now. And no ceremonies in Sweden, thank you very much! We’ll be doin’ the drunk limbo in Brazil!