Squeegee kids are clearly not professional. Everything about them is amateur: the dreadlocks, the nose rings, the lack of a decent pension plan. They could use some professional guidance, say in the form of a pimp or a corporation that could exploit them in exchange for minimum wage and a vest emblazoned with advertising. Just think of how much brighter their outlook would be in life if they could be a one-stop shop for all drivers’ needs!
We asked our gullible intern David (name will be changed later to protect the ignorant) and he immediately rewrote his resume in crayon in hopes of snagging a new gig. He wrote on a paper napkin: “If I was a squeegee kid, I’d be the best. I’d have the cleanerest uniform. I be have the most awesomest squeegee. I’d be polite and profeshinal, ya’sir. I’d have one of those portable payment gizmos so you can buy concert tickets or pay bills and I’d sell beverages, tissues, chips, spray-on tan lotion — everyone would love me!”