When Americans get too old to be cold they move to Florida and Hawaii. When Canadians get too old to be cold they are put on sheets of ice and sent to Baffin Island. It just doesn’t seem fair. So we suggest a partnership with a small poverty-stricken nation that happens to be blessed with miles of sun-soaked beaches.
We made some calls but even the most desperate of them hung up when they heard we were from Canada. Except one: Haiti. Canadians get to escape the frozen tundra without any bureaucratic nightmares to ruin their retirements and Haitians are welcome to fill out the under-populated towns of northern Saskatchewan. Bring the whole family, there’s lots of room. Besides, our nation is experiencing a severe shortage of witch doctors.