Welcome to Dangerland

Kids have it way too easy these days. Their moms drive them to school. They get to cheeseburgers and free porn is available on every computer — honestly, they have no idea how hard it is to sneak off with your dad’s Playboy! They’re spoilt rotten.

So how are we going to nip their sense of entitlement in the bud? Maybe instead of giving in to demands for a summer vacation at Disneyland we should send them somewhere to teach them some appreciation.

That’s why we need Dangerland: a replica of the the suburbs, circa 1979, where you can ride your bike in traffic without a helmet; perform dangerous errands like cleaning a neighbour’s gutters for a tepid glass of lemonade; try to outrun gangs of older kids on 10 speeds who beat the snot out of you; where the only thing ‘organic’ is the boogers in the processed cheeseburger; and you get beaten or hit on by your drunk teachers (depending on if you’re a boy or a girl). Ah, the good ol’ days…