Category Archives: Inventions.

Brother, can you spare an app?

How come poor people can’t afford food but they all have smartphones? We may never know the answer to that question, but here’s one we can answer: How are you going to help out the homeless if you don’t carry cash and you can’t swipe your Visa card on their foreheads? Here’s how: the Panhandler App.

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Support our sponsors! Buy 100% Organic Vitamin Dirt

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It’s now a fact that children who grow up in pristinely clean environments do not develop a strong enough immune system to handle today’s tough illnesses like laziness and not flushing the toilet.

So every time you parents nag your wee ones to use an anti-bacterial body wash, non-GMO dish soup, dy-free laundry detergent, or spray-on tan you are putting your young ones closer to death. Good job!

But of course we have the solution. 100% Pure Vitamin Dirt, filled with every conceivable yucky bacterial bug you can find in a sandbox or school lunch potluck. Just one Vitamin Dirt capsule with breakfast, lunch and dinner will pump up your young one’s immune system so you can rest assured that AIDS won’t faze your son and breast cancer will find some other young woman’s tits, instead of your precious daughter. Isn’t that worth $19.99 a jar?

Fat-Loss Spatula: Informercials We’d Hate To See

People are suckers for the latest exercise craze (yesterday it was the yoga ball, today it’s the ab chair — what’s next, the yoga twig?!) Yet everyone is cashing in on it except us.

Next week some city out there is going to yank out all the seats in a bus and replace them with yoga matts. “Why sit there doing nothing, when you can exercise your way to work/school/bank machine,” they’ll say, while jacking up the price of a bus fare. Regular bus, $2.75. Yoga Bus $22.95.

Well, we’re not one for being left behind trends (we got rid of our acid wash jeans way before anyone else did!) BrilliantOrStupid.com is proud to present the Fat-loss Spatula. This state-of-the-art ergonomically designed kitchen tool, specially engineered by people wearing white suits and talking formally, has been ‘proven’ to help you lose weight.

enhanced-buzz-13664-1320687442-8It’s also good for colonic irrigations too! Only $54.99 plus taxes, shipping and other fees. Buy one today! Buy two and we promise not to display any more pictures of fat men on this blog. [Editor’s Note: hey, fat men are our best customers, can you retract that statement?]

US military begins tests on Bible armour

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Private Edmonds stands by his decision to criticise his commanding officer

The US military has begun testing a suit of full-body armour made out of bibles. “You know how Hollywood movies always have a scene where a soldier’s life is saved because he kept a bible in his pocket in the exact spot where he was shot? We normally don’t take our cue from Hollywood films on this, except for maybe this and when we trained dolphins to attack foreign whales, but we figured we have a big budget and need to spend it all on something so we’ll try it out.”

The bibles were baptized before testing began to cleanse them of any evil, then stitched on to the uniform of specially-trained soldiers. ”We hear the Taliban are creating a suit of armour made out of the Koran. Well, we’ll see which army God loves most,” said the general.