Category Archives: Film TV Books Etc.

How Low Will You Go?

Remember being a kid and asking your friends if they would do outrageous shit for outrageous amounts of money? And then seeing how low they would go in order to make some cash? It went something like this:

You: Would you suck a guys dick for a million dollars?
Your friend: Fuck ya, I’ll do anything for a million.
You: How about $100,000?
Your friend: Definitely.
You: $10,000
Your friend: Yup.
You: $10
Your friend: Ummm….
You: Wait, are you gay?
Your friend: Well…
You: Awww, crap!

Anyway, we propose turning this fun childhood game into a television game show where people have to bid against each other in order to make some money by degrading themselves. What’s more fun than watching poor people lose their last scraps of self-respect? Nothing, that’s what.

Pay-as-you-go movies and popcorn

In our society if we want to watch a movie we have to pay big bucks and be forced the watch the whole thing even if it is crap just to get our money’s worth. That sucks. What is this Russia?! Why can’t we have a system where we pay more the longer we sit in a cinema and watch a movie? If it’s terrible like say … I dunno, anything by Adam Sandler, we walk out and only pay a couple bucks, if it’s good (Adam Sandler is the man!) and we stay until the end, we pay more. It’s the parking metres system for movies!

Take a vacation. Go to Hell. Put it on TV.

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Thanks to specialty TV channels there are now a billion travel guide TV shows and while that’s generally a good thing, the problem is that they all gush over the destinations as if every city/country/village in the world (except, of course, the one you live in) is a fascinating place worthy of your few valuable days off work each year. It’s just like travel magazines and travel blogs — one lyrical phrase describing paradise on Earth after another. We call bullshit on that.

So how about this? A TV show/website/magazine/flyer-on-your-windshield called “Don’t Go There” which gives you an accurate assessment (well, still biased but in a different way) of places where you definitely don’t want to waste your money. Along with the obvious places which are probably too dangerous for normal middle-class first-worlders (Iraq, Afghanistan, Whitehorse) the show could also tackle blatant tourist traps where you will lose your savings (Disneyworld, any cruise line) and charming countries that were once exotic but are now overrun by obnoxious college kids maxing out their first credit card (I’m looking at you, Thailand).

It’s a bird! It’s a plane! No, it’s SaunaMan and he’s naked

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Finland’s Man of Steam rests in between fighting crime and dusting book shelves. There isn’t a lot of crime in Finland.

It’s not fair America gets all the cool superheroes while China just gets PandaMan (half Panda, half kung fu master who threatens to eat entire forests of bamboo unless all criminals surrender) and Russia is stuck with Vladimir Putin (he fights evil democracy).

And pity poor Japan. It’s been seven months since the Fukushima nuclear disaster. And still no sign of a superhero. What’s taking him/it so long? Probably still drinkin’ at the Karaoke bar.

On today’s podcast our guest from Finland brought along an irritating Finnish accent and a pitch for a new superhero: SaunaMan. If he were anything like Batman, then presumably his sidekick would be BathBoy.

 

The Invention of Dying

If you can’t get us a meeting with Ricky Gervais don’t bother reading this idea.

Here’s the pitch for a sequel to “The Invention of Lying.” In a world where no one ever dies, suddenly one human is found dead. At first this is met with curiosity, but this quickly changes to panic when people start dropping like flies. One noble scientist — Ricky G. — leads the charge to save humanity and finally discovers the cure for death. But it’s too late… by the time his search is over he is the last remaining living person on Earth.

Well, him and Rod Serling.

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