So, if the 100 Mile Diet is supposedly better for your health and the environment, doesn’t it stand to reason that the One-Mile Diet is 100 times better than that? Here’s one way to bring your carbon footprint down to nothing, and probably meet some desperate housewives in the process. Three cheers for the environment!
Please follow the rules:
1. Take only what you think you deserve.
2. Napkins do not grow on trees. Try not to eat like a pig.
3. Use the neighbour’s toilet only in an emergency.
4. Clean up after yourself. (use the hose, dammit!)
5. Do not snoop (unless you have even the slightest reason to suspect they are terrorist (lawn not mowed, kids speak a second language, they don’t have cable) in which case bring a camera and check underwear drawer.
6. Do not be cheap and expect free food all the time. Keep up your end of the bargain and cook for once. It’s not hard, honestly, I mean an omelette takes a minute and you can add mushrooms, peppers, tomatoes… Shit! Do you really need an egg lesson?!?!? I MEAN WHAT DID YOU GROW UP ON? FUCKING CEREAL?! FUCK IT, STAY AWAY FROM MY HOUSE!!!
It’s not fair America gets all the cool superheroes while China just gets PandaMan (half Panda, half kung fu master who threatens to eat entire forests of bamboo unless all criminals surrender) and Russia is stuck with Vladimir Putin (he fights evil democracy).
And pity poor Japan. It’s been seven months since the Fukushima nuclear disaster. And still no sign of a superhero. What’s taking him/it so long? Probably still drinkin’ at the Karaoke bar.
On today’s podcast our guest from Finland brought along an irritating Finnish accent and a pitch for a new superhero: SaunaMan. If he were anything like Batman, then presumably his sidekick would be BathBoy.
Granted we might have been under the influence when we brainstormed this nugget of an idea, but now we have proof that trading your blood for a pint is officially a brilliant idea: A US city is encouraging the public to donate blood in exchange for beer. We are not taking full credit for it (yet), but we did come up with it in 2008 (yes, we are ho.d) , but if anything it proves the old saying: there is no such thing as a bad idea. Cheers to us then!
You probably think that blood is icky and useless. But did you know that if you replaced your blood with something much more exciting (like Root Beer) you would probably die within 12 years? Shocking but true!
But even though you have more than enough blood there are people in hospitals too stupid to make enough for themselves. That’s why you always hear people asking you to give blood.
But who wants to go all the way to the Blood Donor clinic to pick up hepatitis from a dirty needle! That’s why we’ve come up with a cunning new plan: pay people for their blood when they are the happiest — at the neighbourhood pub!