Monthly Archives: March 2014

Man turns himself into roller-coaster


A man has built a roller-coaster in his backyard and hopes neighbourhood children will ride on him.

“It’s perfectly safe. The kids have to be at least this high before they can strap themselves on to me,” says Bert Semicolon of Shropshire, England, Great Britain, UK.

Safety experts have inspected Mr Semicolon and found no obvious cracks or fissures. However, as a class 8 vehicle Mr Semicolon will have to undergo regular oil changes (Editor’s note: That’s enough of this story)

Swiss bank opens branch on moon

Swiss bankers have given new meaning to the term ‘offshore accounts’

Swiss Fromage, a Swiss bank that refuses to identify its wealthy clients (mainly criminal gangs and corrupt dictators), has opened a branch on the moon, where it says it does not have to adhere to new international treaties.

“Well, where else are criminals supposed to hide their money?” sniffed Gilles Camembert, the bank’s managing director. “Many countries are cracking down on banking secrecy and offshore accounts so we have to stay one step ahead of them. Our new branch has the most secure vault on the moon and a drive-thru internet cafe.”

Dictators, despots, criminals and celebrated politicians have long embraced Switzerland’s laws that shield their identity and let them hoard their cash with no questions asked. But many observers predict the demise of Swiss banking secrecy thanks to new treaties such as the one between the US Internal Revenue Service and UBS, which demands the Swiss bank reveal who stashes money in its accounts.

Swiss Fromage believes it has found a loophole. “The moon has no treaties with earth,” Mr Camembert said. “Legally, we can do what we like. We think many of our clients who do not like laws will appreciate this.”

Mr Camembert would neither confirm nor deny rumours that the bank will offer up many other illegal activities such as cock-fighting, death races and gay marriage, but did admit that the company had trademarked the term “SwitzerMoon” for future development that will include a gold-plated theme park once space tourism becomes mainstream.