10 years ago, a poor starving child in India decided to end the cycle of poverty for his family by learning to program computers. Inevitably, he discovered that hacking websites was a great way to blackmail companies for fun and profit. Last year, he approached Brilliant or Stupid? with an idea that we couldn’t afford to refuse. Or, at least, we couldn’t afford.
Instead of paying Rajneesh $50,000 US dollars, we watched our website and podcast evaporate into a pile of digital debris. At first, we were devastated. But after a few weeks we realized that nobody cared, so we just drowned our sorrow with alcohol and pretended it didn’t bother us.
But, damn it, we miss spewing out our ridiculous ideas, and we still believe that someday somebody will listen to our podcast! Yes, we are now going to reboot Brilliant or Stupid? and this is the first idea that you can vote on. Is this a good idea? Or a complete waste of time?
We’ve asked Rajneesh to build us a plugin that will allow you to vote thumbs up or thumbs down on our ideas. For now, let us know in the comments below.
You can give a Useless Dad like Ned the chance to raise a healthy and happy child for just $35 per month.. OK $20… make it $10… why don’t you just tell us how much you’ve got?
Introduction letter from Useless Dad #3895: Ned from Canada
Hi. My name is Ned and this is Ella. Please hep me and my little girl. I ain’t got no money no job and guvment check. We live in a tent but it gets cold. The wild dogs harass us in da night and steal our eggs. My little girl has been wearing same diper for 6 weeks. She startin’ to smell bad. No wait, dat’s me! MY thanks to Gina for the last donation of tweny bucks. I appreshiate your jenerosity. But I spent it all on beer and smokes. Can I have more pleas? I knew I shoulda went to college…Bye bye.
WHAT MAKES A DAD USELESS?
They forget birthdays. They yell at postmen. They harass ducks. And most importantly they think society owes them everything.
With your help the Committee to Reform Useless Dads (CRUD) is able to aid these losers. With your generous donations and sponsorships, we have been able to assist Useless Dads with the following: Jobs: Many Useless Dads spend all day drinking and then call into right-wing radio talk shows. Others prefer scaring people in parks. CRUD successfully retrains them by making them pick up our trash, paint our fences, and hide in the bushes when we have a dinner party. ?
Education: Many of our Useless Dads can’t spell worth a damn. But thanks to CRUD many of them now know a pencil from a pretzel. Some write shopping lists. Others have filled out credit card forms, several at a time in fact.
Child care: Useless Dads never get this. They let their babies fester in soiled diapers until someone else comes along and does the job for them. Thanks to CRUD and your support, many have vowed never to have children again.
USELESS DADS FAQ How does one become a Useless Dad? Is there a future in being a Useless Dad?
Being a Useless Dad takes no effort. In fact, that is the quickest way to being one – just don’t do shit. No, there is no future in being a Useless Dad, unless you want a career in traveling carnivals clearing out horse dung.
In what season do Useless Dads usually succumb??
Summer is worst. They can’t handle driving in the heat because they were too cheap to buy a car with AC. This is when shouting occurs the most.
My daddy used a knife to chisel away at ice in the freezer and he punctured it. Now we need to buy a new one. Is my dad Useless??
No, he is just dim. To be truly Useless he would have left the freezer in a 7-Eleven parking lot and put the food in a wheelbarrow. There is still hope for him. Use the parental control on your TV remote to hide Fox News.
People are suckers for the latest exercise craze (yesterday it was the yoga ball, today it’s the ab chair — what’s next, the yoga twig?!) Yet everyone is cashing in on it except us.
Next week some city out there is going to yank out all the seats in a bus and replace them with yoga matts. “Why sit there doing nothing, when you can exercise your way to work/school/bank machine,” they’ll say, while jacking up the price of a bus fare. Regular bus, $2.75. Yoga Bus $22.95.
Well, we’re not one for being left behind trends (we got rid of our acid wash jeans way before anyone else did!) BrilliantOrStupid.com is proud to present the Fat-loss Spatula. This state-of-the-art ergonomically designed kitchen tool, specially engineered by people wearing white suits and talking formally, has been ‘proven’ to help you lose weight.
It’s also good for colonic irrigations too! Only $54.99 plus taxes, shipping and other fees. Buy one today! Buy two and we promise not to display any more pictures of fat men on this blog. [Editor’s Note: hey, fat men are our best customers, can you retract that statement?]