Monthly Archives: November 2009

Anti-Everything Brigade declares victory against itself

The Anti-Everything Brigade’s inaugural meeting was halted just after it began as members protested each other.

“The meeting was held in Portland and that’s a non-starter right there because a council member dared to travel to Israel,” said one protester. “Plus, the agenda was written on only 50 per cent recycled paper, which is worse than genocide!”

nothingallowedOne member started a fire after the buffet table contained Krispy Kreme doughnuts. His motion calling for a ban on all multinational corporatations was passed, then defeated, then declared null and void, but later approved in principle with 500 conditions and caveats.

An afternoon that was originally planned to organize protests against a long litany of corporate criminals came to an end when the AEB recognized that the only logical conclusion to endless protests was to shut themselves down.

Most protesters/members admitted they got tired of voting against everything. “After 6 hours of putting our arms up and shouting down speakers we’d had enough. But in the end we successfully voted to ban ourselves which is quite the accomplishment,” said one happy member.

A self-congratulatory press release from the AEB claimed that “ours is the first progressive organization in history which avoided the bourgeois trap of ever-increasing bureaucratic growth by successfully shutting ourselves down through the power of grassroots direct action.”

10% More Brilliant, 60% More Stupid, Fortified with Vitamin Dumb

Alright boys and girls it’s time for another round of brilliant ideas to help you get rich quick or go broke fast. In this episode we propose, teach you how to win gold at the Olympics, invent an app you don’t need, and start the next viral dance sensation.

Go ask your grandchildren how YouTube works and then watch this:

Can’t stand our ugly mugs? Just listen to the mp3 below. Or go to iTunes and subscribe to our podcast, you lazy mofo.

Cat TV, Earthquake Toilets, and Teen Sex

In this episode (sponsored by Tony, who will smash your kneecaps if you don’t listen) we propose a television station just for cats (and the crazy cat ladies who love them); emergency toilets in elevators, cars, and planes; and sex education for teenagers who cannot find a partner who does any of the stuff on internet porn sites, but just lies there and makes you do all the work.

And don’t miss the comic relief of Gerry, the world’s best bigfoot comic!

If your eyes are bothering you, just listen to the file below. And then go to iTunes and subscribe to our podcast.